Console addicts whose attention spans are too goddamned short to even consider ever trying to develop some sort of talent or ability are said to be "moderately enthusiastic" about the UK release of 'DJ Villain', the latest feeble substitute for actually participating in real life, if somebody else goes into Game and gets it for them.
Following on from the success of 'Guitar Villain', the pale imitation of DJ-ing enables the terminally lazy to pretend they are mixing tracks all by themselves without the terrible effort of lifting records on and off turntables. A nasty plastic imitation deck with wobbly buttons and cheap, breakable sliders will enable the goddamned fools to pretend to spin an extremely limited selection of rubbish sounds, convincing their family and friends that they will never contribute anything whatsoever to society but a regular flow of sewage.
An evil henchman from Inactivision told reporters: "'DJ Villain' and 'Guitar Villain' are only the first in an exciting range of substitutes for real human interaction that we have planned. Over the next year, we hope to flood the market with ground-breaking titles. 'Call Centre Fuckwit' will come with a flimsy headset, enabling gamers to mumble a limited set of unhelpful suggestions in response to pretend customer queries flashed up on screen, while 'Fries McBastard' will feature a cheap plastic fryer which must be regularly filled with hot fat and lengths of string and shaken in response to flashing lights."
"And look out next Christmas for the revolutionary 'Couch Potato Slob', in which the players must quickly put brightly-coloured plastic sweets, pizza slices and crisps into their mouths when prompted by such legendary gutbuckets as Elvis Presley, Robbie Coltrane, Jo Brand and Hurley from Lost," he added.
1 comment:
As there is no button to Express my Fondness for the Subject Matter, I shall simply write Like...Skamark
Post a Comment