Downing Street moved swiftly today to quash rumours that Gordon Brown had ordered two civil servants to lobby for European support for Tony Blair to become President of the EU.
"Gordon spent eight hate-filled years with his head wedged firmly up Blair's arse," said a head wonk at Number Ten. "Are you seriously expecting any living creature with even the most rudimentary nervous system to believe for a nanosecond that he could possibly want to go back to that? Look, there are starfish that wouldn't buy that one."
However, seasoned political commentators are hinting that the prime minister may be playing a longer game, hoping that the Czechs' delaying tactics will mean that a Conservative government will be running Britain by the time the Lisbon Treaty is finally implemented.
"If David Cameron is PM, imagine how pissed off he's going to be when Blair suddenly pops up and starts telling him what he can and can't do," said one observer. "That in itself would be a source of deep and lasting joy for Gordon. But it might be an astute political move, too. As time has passed, his low public profile means that people have largely forgotten what a complete and utter twat they thought Tony Blair was."
"After Gordon loses the election, he'll step down and some Blairite chimp will probably take the reins of the Labour Party," he continued. "Soon, Blair's grinning mug will be all over the news again on a daily basis, and in the eyes of the public Gordon's successor will be irreparably tainted by association. After a few years of lying low, Gordon will be able to launch a media blitz telling everyone how he never liked that ferret-faced power junkie Blair in the first place, forcing a leadership election which could well put him back in the driving seat just in time for the next general election."
"Welcome to the surreal world of post-modern politics," he added. "Imagine a boot stamping on your face, forever."
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