The British public is being warned to stay away from desperate criminal fugitive the Duchess of York, who is tonight on the run from police seeking to question her on behalf of the Turkish government on suspicion of committing a documentary against the Turkish nation.
In the alleged documentary, shown last November, the renegade royal viciously held up the Turkish authorities to public criticism, bursting into a state-run orphanage with her gang of desperado (Princess Eugenie) before callously blowing the lid on the callous neglect and abuse of innocent orphans.
"This evil woman must be stopped before she commits any more acts of wanton undercover journalism," said a Turkish general out of the corner of his mouth, with his hand up the backside of his comical puppet foreign minister Ali Babacan. "Turkey is a wonderful place for a suntan, as any cheapskate who has enjoyed our glorious Kurd-free beaches will readily attest - unless, of course, they want a hands-on visit to our legendary prison system thrown in for free on their next visit."
"We would also like to point out to the British government that we also have a very big oil pipeline, with a tap attached to it," he added.
The US government is also expected to put pressure on Britain to extradite the feared 'Fergie' to Turkey, where it maintains several airbases and missile silos in case the Commies ever come back.
"What's the big deal?" commented US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. "We hear you guys are real keen on sending criminals back to dodgy oil-rich Muslim countries these days."
"Next time you want to poke your noses into our orphanages, send Elton John instead," suggested the secretive Turkish general, keeping carefully in the background and drinking a glass of water while his ministerial dummy cried hilarious fake tears. "Everybody will just tell him to stop pretending to be Madonna, and forget all about it."
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