What Have Public Servants Ever Done For Us? Demand Angry Public

There has been widespread public support for a public sector pay freeze, after the idea was floated by Steve Bundred, chief executive of the Idiot Commission.

"Public servants can easily afford to tread water for a year," said Mr Bundred. "For example, if I'm prepared to make my £20,000 a month stretch a bit further by switching the patio lights off while I'm at work, I don't see why my office cleaner can't show the same willing by turning off her fridge."

"Public sector workers? Fuck 'em," snorted Rob Blind, a hard-pressed futures trader in the City. "Only last week some jumped-up little twat drove up in a crappy little Ka and told me to dismantle the conservatory I'd tacked onto the balcony of my Chelsea penthouse just because I hadn't asked the local junta for 'permission'. I pay my bloody council tax, don't I? I've had to forego my bonus, and I've helped make this country what it is today - so I don't see why these unproductive parasites should get paid anything at all."

Car salesman Darren Lye agreed. "Teachers get paid half a million a year - don't laugh, a friend of a mate down the pub used to be married to one, so that's straight from the horse's mouth. They just sit on their backsides and file their nails while the kids murder each other, and that's on the rare occasions when they're not snorting chianti in their bloody villas in Tuscany. I say round 'em all up, make 'em live in sheds and don't feed the bastards until every kid can write their name with a pencil. Some of us have real work to do, like me - slogging my sodding guts out trying to turn the economy round. Christ, I actually sold a Picanto this morning. They ought to give me a medal."

"Wanna buy a T-reg Freelander, mate?" he added. Fifteen hundred to you, squire. Go on, it's a lovely little runner, be a shame to see it go to the scrapheap."

A snap poll conducted by the Nev Filter showed that 18% of the public were in favour of a pay freeze, 27% wanted swingeing pay cuts for public servants and 42% would like the public sector abolished altogether.

The poll also indicated that the public had little or no idea what the public sector actually was, with 73% of those opposing increases simultaneously demanding better pay for soldiers serving in the Middle East.