The lives of those killed four years ago in London's 7/7 bombings have been trivialised forever by some sort of wonky fence, which was unveiled today in a poignant ceremony attended by Gordon Brown, the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall, Trevor McDonald, Tessa Jowell and anyone else who wanted to get their face on television and hadn't won a ticket to the Michael Jackson Total Death Experience.
The achingly dull monument, which somehow cost almost £1m, consists of fifty-two 3.5m strips of stainless steel from a builder's yard, stuck in the ground in four groups in a half-hearted nod to the four separate attack locations, and has an estimated scrap value of almost £200.
"In years to come, people will see this monument and reflect quietly to themselves: 'Hello, some silly bugger's left a load of metal strips in Hyde Park, what the fuck's that all about then?'" said Sir Trevor. "If they have nothing better to do, they might even wander over out of idle curiosity and read the small plaque which explains that 52 people were killed in one day by suicide bombers. Some might say we might as well just have unveiled a plaque - but, of course, then we wouldn't have got all these TV cameras to come along, would we?"
"My turn," said Gordon Brown, rubbing his hands together with glee at a rare chance to appear in public without being pelted with balloons filled with urine. "People should remember at all times that sheer naked terror is all around us, and anyone you meet in the street could be wearing an explosive belt - especially if they have a beard or look a bit funny to you. That is why the police should be allowed to beat the living shit out of anybody they happen to take a dislike to, and occasionally kill innocent members of the public, in order to protect the traditional hard-won freedoms which the British people hold so dear."
"This monument might be as ugly as sin," added Tessa Jowell, "But if its stark, jagged nihilism sends a shiver of fear down the spine of everyone who sees it, then it's serving its purpose well - namely, to remind you that you could all be blown to bloody fragments at any moment, and that any price is worth paying to keep you cowed and terrified."
"It really is appalling," concluded Prince Charles at the end of the ceremony, although it was not clear if he was referring to the terror attack, the memorial or the fact that those survivors who were maimed for life have, as usual, been pushed into the background as their appalling injuries are not considered sufficiently photogenic or on-message.
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