Tributes have been pouring in, as public figures queue up to steal some of the limelight following the death of the world's oldest man, 113-year-old First World War veteran Henry Allingham.
"Nngg Henry Allington represented the generation whose youth and energy were callously thrown away by the tired, outmoded dinosaurs of a bygone sort of age thingy," said Prince Charles. "One knows exactly how that feels, and indeed many was the time that dear old Harold told one, 'Gorblimey, Your Royal Highness, is it not the case that everything was so much the better when we had a king?' on his many visits to Highgrove, as we sat round a campfire reminiscing about our military experiences over a tin of Maconochie stew."
The Queen added her words of praise, saying: "One kept up a warm-hearted telegraphic correspondence with Hardy Allerton for nearly fourteen years. He represented the traditional values which made Great Britain great. He persevered faithfully and without question in his allotted duty, fully prepared to cling on to a scarcely-defensible position of no real value until the cold hand of death prised him away."
"Have you finished?" grunted Gordon Brown, pushing his way to the microphones. "Horny Alleyman was representative of a vanished era, a time in which the lowly masses went off with a smile and a wave to an unending war of attrition on inhospitable foreign soil, even though none of them had the faintest idea what on earth it was that they were fighting and dying for. Modern Britain could learn a lot from those far-off halcyon days, when the common herd knew their place, and cheerfully accepted the wisdom of their leaders without grumble or comment."
"Er... I was his MP, you know," said Nigel Waterson, Tory MP for Eastbourne, Willingdon and East Dean, as TV journalists packed their cameras away.
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