The two senior clerics of the Church of England have politely suggested to their flock that, if Jesus were to come back today and get his name onto the electoral register, then his preferred candidate might perhaps not belong to the British National Party.
"Jesus is mainly known for being the Son of God, spreading a message of hope, truth and peace, and saying 'Love thy neighbour'," said Dr Rowan Atkinson, the Archdruid of Canterbury. "Whereas I think it's as true today as in the olden times that the BNP's message tends to focus more on fear, lies, hate and kicking your neighbours out."
"And, you know, Nick Angriff is - in a very real sense - the bastard hell-spawn of Beelzebub and Hitler," added the Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu.
The BNP leadership was dismissive about the church leaders' outburst, however.
"How can Dr Atkinson claim to speak for the English Church of English England when he is clearly Welsh, has a beard and probably wears sandals?" countered Mr Angriff. "He should go back to his reservation and spend the rest of his life singing the songs of his tribal forefathers, or whatever it is they do. And Dr Sentamu should be struck off the BMA register immediately. He has absolutely no medical training whatsoever, and what's more he has a funny foreign name."
When told that Dr Sentamu was black, Mr Angriff fainted dead away.
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