In an unprecedented publicity coup for the British National Party, Jesus descended from heaven today and told a press conference that he would certainly be voting for the far-right party in the forthcoming European and county elections.
"I nearly fell off my cloud yesterday when I heard that beardy-weirdy Welshman and his houseboy telling people not to vote BNP," said the Son of God. "My old man's pretty hacked off too, I can tell you - and the Holy Ghost was so narked, he went white as a sheet."
"I went to a lot of trouble to set up an organisation where like-minded people would slavishly give up their freedom in return for being told what to think and do by some bossy fanatic in fancy dress," explained Jesus. "I demand total obedience from my followers, and anyone who disagrees can go to hell. If that's not a working definition of fascism, I don't know what it is."
"Just look at the Church of Scotland," explained our Lord and Saviour. "In a misguided attempt to move with the times, they've just gone and let a poofter in. So full marks to my loyal Jock bigots for threatening to split the kirk in two unless they run the bum-bandit out of town covered in feathers, that's what it's all about. I think you'll find my dad was quite clear on what to do with his sort."
"So I say a vote for the BNP is a vote for Christian values," concluded the Holy Lamb of God, as his beard started to peel off. "They'll make you proud to be a godfearing British fascist, or my name's not Nick Griffin."
"Bollocks," he added.
No comments:
Post a Comment