Tory leader David Cameron has invited everyone in Britain to stand as a Conservative at the next election.
"What I'm going to do today," said Mr Cameron, as interviewer Andrew Marr played guitar, "Is to reopen the Conservative candidate list to anybody who wants to apply, particularly if they haven't been convicted of theft recently."
"They may not have had anything to do with the party before," he added. "But I'm saying if you believe in public service, if you share our values - no, hang on, forget that bit - if you want to help clean up politics - better scrub that bit too - er - look, if you want a chance to get your hands on a basic of £64,766 plus expenses - and let's face it, that's a hell of a lot better than anything you'll ever find on Jobcentreplus - come and be a Conservative parliamentary candidate."
Mr Cameron said he wanted to persuade people like headteachers and small business owners to stand.
"I should think they're just the kind of people who are sick and tired of busting a gut trying to do the impossible with limited resources on a daily basis, only to watch everything falling apart around them. I'm sure they'd jump at the chance of four years of well-paid job security," he smiled. "Right now I expect many of them are saying, 'I'm not going anywhere near that nest of vipers.' But I say come on in, the water's lovely - and it was paid for by the taxpayers!"
When asked whether MPs with no grounding in the fundamental principles of Toryism would be expected to toe the party line, Mr Cameron looked blank, and asked for the question to be repeated slowly.
"No, you've lost me there," he admitted. "Party line? Is that what poor people used to have when they couldn't afford a phone of their own? Sorry, I don't see what you're getting at."
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