Saturday, 11 April 2009

D&D Creator Tears Up Character Sheet

Dave Arneson, one of the original co-creators of the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game, has died after fumbling his saving throw, according to dark rumours emerging from the Forgotten Realms.

According to reliable visions experienced by several high-level mages, Arneson had been subjected to repeated potions and Cure Serious Wounds spells from clerics in recent years. However, he died on Tuesday after failing his CON roll against cancer.

Zondor - a priest of Vog who was with the party - reported that he placed his +1 percentile dice in the hand of the dying Arneson, who groaned as he rolled 03, gasped "Epic fail!" and expired. His fellow-adventurers marked his passing by punching the air and cheering, before taking a solemn time-out for Coke and potato chips.

It is believed that Arneson's spirit has passed into the Forbidden Realm, where it may join forces with the immortal sorcerer of Dungeons & Dragons legend, E Gary Gygax, who passed from view last year.

"Even though we have taken the precaution of burying him in a twenty-sided Casket of Containment, there is a very real possibility that the trauma of death may twist Dave's soul into a Chaotic Evil alignment," said a spotty 15th-level nerd calling himself Aargh the Barbarian, but whose real name is Dominic. "If that happens, we could be forced to hand over all of our gold pieces to pay for a whole new set of tomes that aren't really that different from the ones we had before."

"Still, at least there'll be loads of new pictures of women in shiny metal bras," he added hopefully.

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