Senior officers in north-west England say that policing needs to go back to its old-fashioned core values, such as blaming darkies for everything.
"In recent weeks, the actions of police forces down south may have given the public the entirely wrong idea - namely that the police are in some way targeting whites," said Chief Inspector Himmler of the Mono-Cultural Relations unit. "Let me take this opportunity to say that nothing could be further from the truth. It has long been the view of many police officers that coloured gentlemen are responsible for 99% of the crime in the UK, and we hope that the arrest of 12 Pakis sends out a clear message to the superior white race that we are firmly back on track."
"Our dedicated officers have uncovered compelling evidence that these wogs were planning to vaporise the entire north of England," he continued. "They were in possession of several photographs of themselves with the north of England clearly visible in the background. We have found several bottles of fizzy pop which, if shaken, could easily have gone off, and several of the Pakis also had sophisticated timing devices attached to their wrists."
"It's a good thing that dear old Bob Slow inadvertently brought our carefully-planned operation forward, actually," he added, "Or tomorrow you'd be looking at a huge smoking crater separating Scotland from the Midlands. Fact."