With the death toll now over 200 and mounting by the hour, there was rejoicing today in the ruined city of l'Aquila as desperate journalists finally managed to dig out a British survivor of yesterday's devastating earthquake.
Reporters had been frantically searching through the night for a British quake victim, and had almost given up all hope of finding a human-interest angle for the public back home. However, their prayers were answered when they heard a faint cry of 'Bollocks' from a man who was helping to move patients and equipment at the city's damaged hospital.
British journalists swarmed around in a desperate race against their deadlines to pull a story out of Oliver Hodge, who played rugby for the local side.
Hardened hacks wept openly when they discovered that Mr Hodge was tragically unharmed, and he stoically refused their repeated offers of blood from the hospital stores to smear across his face so their pictures would look more dramatic.
Meanwhile, Vatican sources said that Pope Benedict XVI had prayed for the victims of the earthquake, although it refused to speculate on when he was planning to undertake the 60-mile journey to the stricken area to explain to grieving survivors just what the hell he thought God was playing at.
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