Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Britain To Give Crisp New Fiver to Afghanistan

The British government has pledged a further £5 in aid to Afghanistan, announced the International Development Secretary Douglas Alexander during a flying visit to the country.

Speaking from the safety of an armoured personnel carrier, Mr Alexander said: "This four-year promise to contribute a massive total of £50 to the reconstruction of Afghanistan reaffirms our long-term commitment to helping this once-proud country recover from 30 years of war - including eight years, so far, at war with us."

Major infrastructure projects to be funded by Britain include putting up a signpost outside the British Embassy telling would-be suicide bombers that the US Embassy is 400m up the road, and planting an impressive flower bed outside President Karzai's bunker.

"We wish the people of Afghanistan well for the future and are happy to play a part in their development," continued Mr Alexander, "Just as we have been happy to play our part in reducing them to a lawless, feudal wasteland."

He then closed the hatch and was driven back to his waiting attack helicopter, before flying off to Helmand province to fire some missiles at a shed.

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