Monday, 16 March 2009

Australia Now Officially Full of Uneducated Labourers

The BBC today announced the launch of an exciting new daytime show, which will reflect the Australian government's decision to cut its immigration programme by 14% in the face of the economic downturn.

Nadia Sawalha will host 'Not Wanted Down Under' - in which a planeload of disgruntled bricklayers, carpenters, plumbers and electricians desperate to escape from the ruins of Britain will be flown halfway across the world and introduced to a long queue of laid-off Australian manual workers, all of whom will be keen to tell them to piss off back where they came from.

A few professionals, such as nurses, doctors, engineers and IT experts, will be grudgingly allowed to stay if they want to, but will be told in no uncertain terms that the only reason their presence will be tolerated is that the locals are far too busy surfing, sunbathing, playing cricket, rugby or a bizarre, violent corruption of football, throwing prawns onto barbies and wrestling with the local fauna to be bothered with spending a few years studying for a degree.

Nadia Sawalha will also be told to bugger off back to Britain, announced the Australian government on hearing of the BBC's plans.

"And she can take her big hair back to the bloody eighties while she's at it," said lagered-up Immigration Minister Chris Evans. "She hasn't changed since she was in bloody EastEnders."

"Strewth," he added.

No comments: