Saturday, 21 February 2009

Newspapers Relinquish Last Vestiges of Grip on Reality

Claims in the Sun that Atlantis has finally been found, thanks to pictures posted on Google Earth, have been wearily dismissed by Google.

"The reason the scans in question show criss-crossing lines is because the boats that made them travel in criss-crossing lines," said a spokesperson, speaking very slowly for the benefit of hard-of-thinking journalists.

The Sun claimed that the grid pattern was a clear indication of modern urban planning, and that the area off the coast of West Africa was one believed by Atlantis experts to be a likely site for the mythical lost island.

"Sorry to piss on your fireworks, dummies," continued the spokesperson, "But every single square inch of the world's ocean floor has been claimed at some time or other as the probable location of Atlantis by these so-called experts. Speaking of which, would any of Mr Murdoch's investigative geniuses like to explain to us how the hell anyone can be an 'expert' in something that isn't there?"

Intrepid Sun reporters promptly rushed off to doorstep Plato and demand to know why he was cruelly conning the gullible British public with blatant lies about a made-up holiday destination.

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