In a joint venture with Satan, the Prince of Darkness, Microsoft has chosen Inverness as the location for the UK’s first cloud computing centre. Central to the revolutionary concept is the idea that people should give Microsoft unrestricted access to their souls, rather than having to go to all the bother and expense of storing them on their own computers.
“Personal soul storage has never been so expensive,” explained a fork-tailed spokesman for Alchemy Plus. “Why go to all the trouble and cost of a memory stick or a pack of DVDs when, just by signing a simple contract with a tiny drop of your blood, you can let us keep your soul totally secure forever on a giant, multi-user web?”
Inverness was chosen partly because of its chilly climate, which will help to cool the vast banks of computers needed to store all the souls.
Stewart Nicol, chief executive of Inverness Chamber of Horrors, said: “This project will really put the city on the map for developments in damnation technology. And living in Inverness is pretty close to hell anyway.”
“Ow! Careful with that pitchfork, ye wee red bastard,” he added.
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