Customs officials have warned consumers against buying cheap counterfeit Nintendo DS consoles for their children this Christmas.
“These fakes are absolutely 100% lethal,” said a stony-faced official. “You might as well put a grenade in your child’s hands and pull out the pin. All right, so you might have saved yourself sixty nicker - but can you live with the certain knowledge that your misguided thrift will leave your precious little darlings blind and limbless for the rest of their lives? What kind of a sick Christmas present is that for a child? You callous, penny-pinching bastards. I hope you get hit by a bus.”
The police told stingy consumers not to panic if they had bought a fake Nintendo for £40, but to dial 999 immediately, remain stationary, breathe very softly and wait for the bomb squad to arrive and demolish their home.
A spokesman for Nintendo explained that the danger lay in the fake console’s external power supply being of inferior quality, leading smarter skinflints to conclude that a £6.99 adaptor from Maplin’s ought to do the trick.
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