Wednesday 23 April 2008

To Those Who Have, More Shall Be Given

Tony Blair has got off scot-free after being caught on a train without a ticket, it emerged yesterday.

The former prime minister - who has made half a million pounds on the public speaking circuit since leaving office in addition to several multi-million-dollar deals with JP Morgan and Zurich Financial Services - suffered an inexplicable lapse of memory with regard to the existence of bank and credit cards, and claimed he had no cash on him to pay the £24.50 fare to Heathrow Airport.

In a similarly unfeasible lapse, the ticket inspector forgot the existence of standard regulations requiring him to take the offender’s name and address and invoice them for the full fare with the threat of legal action for failure to pay. Piling woe upon woe, the stricken employee also lost all recollection of the British Transport Police, and could see no alternative but to allow the grinning Blair to travel free of charge.

Asked whether the hapless guard would be making the loss up to his employers from his desultory wages, the train operators refused to comment. Mr Blair’s employers in the world of international finance, however, pointed out that it would be entirely in keeping with the Britain he has created for the low-paid to subsidise the freeloading rich.

“That’s our boy,” smiled one Bollinger-swilling futures manager. “Watch and learn, schmucks.”

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