We Blew The Lot On The Houses

The currency markets have reacted badly to the Bank of England’s offer of £50bn-worth of loans to the crippled UK banking sector, in the form of government bonds offered in exchange for risky mortgage debts.

“Basically, we got ourselves into right old two an’ eight on the houses,” admitted one investment banker, Honest Bob. “We gets this red-hot tip off of these Yanks to take a gander at this outsider called Sub Prime, see? Said she was a frisky new filly, fresh out of their stables, and we couldn’t lose. So me and the lads raided the Christmas box, took everyone’s readies down the bookies and banged the lot on Sub Prime at 1000 to 1. Turns out the old nag dropped at the first fence, had to be shot by the vet and was last seen being carted off to the glue factory. Wot a sickener! So we went cap in hand to the bank manager an’ give it to ‘im straight, sayin’ look we’re skint, we blew everyone’s cash an’ wot’s ‘e gonna do about it? So ‘e offers us fifty billion smackers of government bonds and tells us not to go near no bookies with it. As if! What good’s a government bond? That lot’s even shakier than we are.”