Thursday 24 April 2008

No Train, No Gain

Train fares are to be simplified down to just three ticket types over the coming months, according to an announcement by the Association of Train Operating Companies - which claimed the move was a response to passenger feedback.

From 7th September all pre-booked tickets bought in advance will be known as Rarities, while from 18th May walk-on fares purchased on the day will be reduced to two just two categories – Eye-Watering and Hi I’m Tony.

A rail industry spokesman said such hangovers from the days of steam such as the Cheap Day Return were no longer appropriate to Britain’s modern-day rail network.

“Train companies really don’t understand the old-fashioned concept of ‘cheap’,” he said, “It implies that we are offering some kind of third-rate rubbish service, when in fact third-rate is something we can only aspire to. And there’s no point calling it a Return, because after they’ve been through a 21st-century rail experience, we find a lot of customers don’t.”

The Eye-Watering ticket will be available to all passengers. However, for those who want to travel unhindered by any restrictions there is the new Hi I’m Tony ticket, which enables the holder to travel free of charge anywhere, at any time, if he happens to be the former Prime Minister.

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