As Labour’s backbench rebellion over the 10p tax rate shows no signs of abating, Alistair Darling has launched a charm offensive to win over 39 dissenting MPs.
“I recognise the concerns of my colleagues,” said the chancellor, “And despite what I said earlier about not rewriting the budget, a quick calculation on the back of an envelope tells me that if I don’t calm them down fast, the Finance Bill might not get through the its third reading. So let me say that I am firmly committed to doing something before the financial year ends. The precise details do not matter at this point, or indeed ever. What is vitally important is that my charm offensive saves the government from a humiliating defeat at the hands of its own backbenchers.”
When challenged on exactly what was meant by a ‘charm offensive’, Mr Darling scratched his head for a few moments, then suggested that the treasury could sell – “at cost” – a selection of lucky rabbit’s feet, which would “almost certainly” guarantee a National Lottery jackpot payout to all poor people, with the happy result that the 10p tax issue would no longer bother them.
“And if that isn’t offensive,” added the sweating chancellor, “I don’t know what else to suggest.”
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