Sky Bids For Exclusive Rights To Chisora-Haye Gunfight

Broadcasters are desperately trying to outbid each other for the TV rights to the forthcoming shoot-out between British boxing rivals Dereck Chisora and David Haye, following their exhilarating display of top-level professional brawling at a press conference in Germany.

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The date and venue for the thrilling display of world-class marksmanship are undecided at the moment, with experts urging both participants to arrange their eagerly-anticipated deathmatch before one or both participants is jailed by the German authorities.

“As da challenged party, Haye gots da privilege of nominatin’ toasters,” explained a spokesman for the World Duelling League from the organisation’s headquarters in Corcoran State Prison, California. “He might, fo sho, be choosin’ da traditional option of rapiers, but today’s discerning sport hos is wantin’ automatic weapons and fast whips. For me, da dope biscuit gots to be – and indeed has been - a Uzi nina outa da back seat of a Lex.”

“I don’t know what kind of pussy wheels ma limey dogs gots, though,” he admitted. “How much rubber can a Mini burn when you rollin’ outa a 187?”