Last Remaining BBC Staff Off To Glastonbury

The few BBC employees not over in South Africa for the World Cup or covering the tennis at Wimbledon packed their bags this afternoon and decamped to Glastonbury, confirmed a Securicor guard outside the derelict shell of the corporation’s Television Centre in Shepherds Bush.

“You may remember reading a couple of years ago that the BBC was embarking on a massive decentralisation project,” explained director-general Mark Thompson, sipping a G&T as he gazed out across the azure-blue Indian Ocean from the penthouse balcony of Port Elizabeth’s luxurious Radisson Blu hotel. “The original plan was to up sticks and move north to Salford - but God Almighty, have you seen Salford?”

“Christ, it’s a shithole,” he shuddered, pouring himself another drink. “So the board had a quick rethink – or a ‘peer-managed blue-skies focus interlude in Barbados’, as we call it on our tax returns – and decided that the senior management would achieve greater efficiency trotting from event to event around the world’s luxury hotels. Meanwhile the little people who actually make programmes would obviously be more productive in a region of England slightly closer to the West End shops, like Wimbledon - which is jolly handy for Wembley too, incidentally, saving the dear old licence payer a tidy sum in taxi fares from Salford.”

“And all the presenters can have a jolly every year, getting ripped to the tits on cider and ivory flakes at Glastonbury,” he added. “Chin chin, old boy.”