All of the problems in the world evaporated today, after Sony launched a toy that is slightly different to existing toys of a similar nature.
"Forget about the global recession, political meltdown, flu pandemics, climate change, terrorism, nuclear threats, air safety, losing your job or home and reality TV," smiled Sony Computer Entertainment Chief Kazuo Hirai at the E3 games conference in Los Angeles. "The PSP Go has a 4.3-inch screen and Bluetooth, and weighs several grammes less than its honoured ancestor!"
The handheld PSP Go is the latest in a long line of Sony distraction products aimed at insulating the general public from the real world.
"When we attached a pair of lightweight headphones to a modified dictating machine in 1978, we discovered a vast, hitherto-untapped market for electronic devices which would give people a much-needed sense of complete isolation from the harsh realities of life, and save them the bother of ever having to relate to other people," explained Mr Hirai.
"Our designers are working hard to create the ultimate concept in personal entertainment," he continued. "We envisage a vast array of coffin-like tanks, in which people can lie for the rest of their days, their brains directly linked to a complete virtual reality system while life-sustaining nutrients are pumped into their bodies. The power source from this system would be the electrical activity of the users' own bodies."
Until then, Sony is urging customers to spend their last £214 on their latest toy, then beg, steal or borrow the funds to pay for games and batteries to feed their addiction to pointless activities which might briefly distract them from the harsh reality of living on a park bench.
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