Gordon Brown was reduced to tears today, after nobody turned up to a Cabinet meeting but him.
At first Mr Brown thought his ministers were playing hide and seek, and ordered staff to turn 10 Downing Street upside down looking for Cabinet members hiding beneath desks. When it became apparent that no ministers had entered the building all morning, he went next door to seek out Chancellor Alistair Darling - but found the door wide open, with official papers and IOUs floating in the warm summer breeze.
The Prime Minister then spent a quarter of an hour walking up and down the street, calling out, "I give up, come out wherever you are!" to no avail.
He then rang Labour Party headquarters, only to receive a recorded message telling him that the entire Parliamentary Labour Party could not get to the phone right now and inviting him to leave a message as his call was important to them.
When Mr Brown switched on the BBC Parliament channel - resulting in the digital channel's highest-ever viewing figures - he saw an empty House of Commons, save for doomed Speaker Michael Martin who was folding order papers into darts and throwing them around the chamber.
Shortly after, the sound of Scots-accented sobbing was heard coming from an upstairs toilet window.
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