19.2 million ITV viewers shrugged this morning at the news that their insatiable desire for gratification in the name of entertainment has driven Susan Boyle barmy.
After coming second to a cute bunch of prancing youngsters in the final of Britain Wants To Crucify Talent, the gifted Scots singer was assessed by doctors at her London hotel under the Mental Health Act, before being driven off to hospital in an ambulance.
"If Miss Boyle was misled into thinking that we in any way appreciate talent over good looks, she really must be some kind of nutter," said Joe Public, speaking on behalf of the viewing audience. "I blame Ant and Dec. And maybe Simon Cowell. But not myself, obviously. You haven't got a copy of the Sun, have you? I'm really looking forward to seeing some photos of her in a straitjacket, preferably foaming at the mouth and rolling her vacant, tortured eyes."
The smile was wiped off Mr Public's face, however, when he was arrested - along with the show's other 19,199,999 viewers - for child abuse after ten-year-old Hollie Steel broke down in tears during the semi-finals under the unbearable burden of having to keep ITV audiences amused for five minutes.
No comments:
Post a Comment