Thursday 4 June 2009

Britain To Be Represented by Assorted Loons, Twerps and Would-Be Dictators

Britain's major political parties are preparing for the worst today, as an unprecedented number of voters go to the polling stations to elect absolutely anyone but a Labour, Conservative or Lib Dem candidate - no matter how irrelevant, barmy, or downright dangerous.

The Nazi Party is expected to pick up plenty of votes from people who lie awake at night foaming at the mouth at the thought of a domineering European dictatorship, while many others are expected to send UKIPocrite representatives to Europe to sign for their expenses and jump on the first Eurostar home.

Among the smaller parties likely to represent Britain's interests in the European Parliament are That's Life, the Thirtysomethings Party, al-Qaeda, Solidarnosc, The Big Brother House, the Yakuza, Mebyon Kernow, The Ting Tings, FARC and Slimio Berluscruki's Barely Legal Party.

"At least this year we won't have to worry about postal voting fraud," said a spokesman for the Electoral Commission this morning. "There are 38,249,094 elgible voters in the UK - and, for the first time in history, that's exactly how many ballot papers we're expecting."

Meanwhile, staff at Madame Tussauds are reported to be constructing an exciting new tourist attraction consisting of a tumbrel and guillotine, and have invited all 630 MPs to attend on consecutive days.

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