Makers of faddish 'detox' products are disputing recent statements by charitable trust Sense About Science, saying the scientists' claims are unsupported by any meaningful advertising spend.
"It's all very well them making wild claims that our products are worthless," said a spokeswoman for the wishful thinking industry. "But there is plenty of circumstantial evidence that our facial scrubs, shampoos and bottled water are in fact worth a great deal to the advertising industry. Look, here's a spurious computer graphic. I could have used a flipchart, but just one application of CGI animation has made the all-important pointless-graphics demographic £25,000 richer than if we'd just bought a traditional pad of paper and a couple of chisel-tip markers."
The scientists were also criticised for simply repackaging existing research.
"A couple of weeks ago they used wrinkle creams to create the ephemeral illusion that the cosmetics industry is in some way manipulating women's fear of falling short of utter physical perfection," said the spokeswoman, walking ecstatically through a tropical rainforest set. "We urge consumers to use their higher emotions and cling to what they desperately want to believe, and not be swayed by scientific claims that rely on a superficial appeal to base reason. Do you really think we'd spend so much on advertising if it hadn't been conclusively proven to work? Look at this sales chart, which I've chosen to present in the form of a cute endangered parrot embarking on a voyage of cleansing through a massively-simplified representation of your digestive system."
She then dived into a pool of gigantic, sentient bubbles and had an orgasm.
The scientists retorted by saying that it was ridiculous, in the 21st century, to see a return to mystical properties being claimed for advertising, and challenged the cosmetics industry to at least come up with a meaningful definition of the word 'bolox'.
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