Britain apparently experienced the world's first interplanetary pile-up last Sunday, it emerged, when a large, disc-like UFO crashed into a wind turbine in Lincolnshire, causing the alien pilot to lose control of his vehicle and collide with several other unearthly visitors.
Local police said the impact caused the turbine to shed a blade, while the UFO that struck it came down in a nearby field. Eyewitness Ed Straker, a passing film producer, was first on the scene.
"It was total carnage," a shaken Mr Straker told reporters. "This big saucer-thing was going far too fast, and completely ignoring the lights in the sky. It was just wobbling all over the place, like it was on a piece of string or something. He bounced off the wind turbine, narrowly missing a child on a flying bicycle, clipped an enormous illuminated mother-ship that was jamming with a guy on the ground with a synthesizer, and then he careered into the back of another big silver saucer full of angry jabbering Martians, who shot him down. Bloody maniac! Serves him right."
The alien visitor was seen to climb out of the wreckage with an eight-foot robot, which he left behind when he ran off into the bushes.
Mr Straker then drove off in some kind of furniture van on tracks for an urgent rendezvous with a giant submarine/jet fighter combination, which he claimed was a movie prop.
"We have traced the vehicle that was abandoned at the scene, and we are urgently looking for a Mr Klaatu to help us with our enquiries," said a police spokesman. "We would very much like him come forward and convince his robotic companion, Gort, to stop laying waste to Lincolnshire."
UFO experts say the incident is the worst interplanetary accident since the far side of the moon was blown clean out of the galaxy in 1999 by an explosion at an ill-considered nuclear waste dump, with the loss of 300 moonbase personnel.
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