In the culmination of months of quality journalism, Plymouth's local parish magazine has finally announced the winner of its Non-Mutant Baby of the Year Competition.
The winning baby, Sammy-Leeanne, was praised by judges for having two eyes, one nose, one mouth and a pair of ears, and all in the right place.
"Of course, the photographs only show the baby's face," said the Herald's editor, "For all we know, little Sammy-Leeanne could have fins and a prehensile tail. Still, at least she has a humanoid head, which is an improvement on most of the population round here."
The rare, human-faced baby and its low-radiation mother are to receive tickets out of Plymouth.
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