European parliamentarians - including most Labour MEPs - have voted today to end Britain's jealously-guarded right to treat ordinary working people like slaves, despite stern opposition from Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
The move means that the EU directive limiting the working week to 48 hours will finally come into force in Britain - unless the UK government can successfully argue that its citizens are some kind of sub-human race, unworthy of being treated with the basic decency and dignity that most European nationals take for granted.
Taking time out from drawing up redundancy lists, British business leaders were quick to deprecate the decision.
"This is an insult to our great nation," said a spokesman for the Confederation of British Industry. "Way back in 1993, the Conservative government successfully argued that the UK should retain its sovereign right to ruthlessly exploit its workforce. Ever since, the Labour Party has seen fit to maintain the time-honoured position that the average British worker is nothing but a resource on the balance sheet, to be cynically worn out and discarded at our whim."
"It's my traditional British birthright, as a loyal subject of Her Imperial Majesty the Queen, to be driven like a common beast of burden until I am ground down to a burned-out husk by years of relentless, soul-crushing overwork," said one haggard worker as he set fire to a European Union flag, generously given to him in lieu of a day's pay by his bosses. "Who do these jumped-up Eurocrats think they are, putting my physical and mental well-being over the profits of my employers? It's just another victory for Hitler."
"Don't worry," the Prime Minister told the nation. "Before this can be brought into UK law, we will engage in negotiations with the European ministers. I am confident that these talks will outlast me, you and possibly all life on this planet. Until then, it's back to work, scum. Get back up those chimneys."
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