Police Operation Results In Unfortunate Deaths of Entire Menezes Jury

The jury in the Jean Charles de Menezes inquest have all been mistakenly killed by heavily-armed police officers, seconds after delivering a damning open verdict on the death of the Brazilian electrician at the hands of the Metropolitan Police three years ago.

Surviving eyewitnesses reported that the jury foreman had just told coroner Sir Michael Wrong: "Since we've been royally stitched up by you, mate, we the jury would like to point the blame squarely at the murdering bastard police in the only way available to us, by returning an open verdict. You know exactly what we mean."

Moments later, dozens of anti-terrorist experts from the elite Bastard Squad burst into the courtroom, causing pandemonium. Terrified jurors were pinned to the floor by burly officers in flak jackets while their colleagues emptied their automatic rifles into the jurors' heads. Amid scenes of uproar in the public gallery, a gore-spattered senior officer stood up and apologised to the coroner for the unfortunate incident.

"All right, guv'nor? I'm sure you heard me clearly shout to the jury - whom we understandably mistook, in the heat of the moment, for a highly dangerous cell of al-Qaeda martyrs - to stand perfectly still," he told a nodding Sir Michael.

The coroner told the officer that he quite understood, and looked forward to presiding over the subsequent inquest into the slaughter.