People Are Drinking at Xmas Parties, Announces Horrified Government

Almost half of young people attending their workplace Christmas party will need to consume alcohol in order to avoid telling their boss to stick their crappy job up his own rectum, according to a government nanny.

According to a poll conducted for the government’s Alcohol Is Really Very Bad campaign, 43% of drinkers aged between 18 and 34 said they needed to get absolutely shit-faced before mustering the necessary confidence to throw a glass of cheap tanker wine in the face of their smug superiors and give them a piece of their mind.

Of the remainder, 44% said they didn’t need any Dutch courage, they’d do it anyway and the other 3% said, “See me in my office tomorrow, 9 o’clock sharp. And don’t bother packing your lunch.”