The Duchess of York has shamelessly jumped aboard TV’s ban-me bandwagon by presenting an ITV documentary in which she tries to incite a war with Turkey by revealing that disabled children are left to rot in its hellish institutions.
“How dare Sarah Ferguson show the world what a load of bastards we are?” fumed Nimet Cubukcu, the Turkish minister for women and family in a phone call to Ofcom’s ‘Grass Up A Presenter’ complaints line. “The Turkish government demands that she atone for her crimes by presenting a shallow, gushing travelogue praising our glorious, sunny beaches. If this is not done within the week, a state of war will exist between our two countries.”
Prime Minister Gordon Brown waded into the row, saying that his very good friends the Americans wanted Turkey in the EU where it could keep an eye on them, rather than seeing it drawn into some hypothetical pan-Islamic superstate, and that the various ways in which the Turks mistreated their children were their own business and nobody else‘s.
“The last thing the British and American governments would dream of would be to impose our own cultural standards on a Middle Eastern country,” he told reporters.
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