Zimbabwe’s dictatorial president Robert Mugabe has reacted with horror to the publication of a report by New York-based Human Rights Watch, which claims that a campaign of violence has destroyed any chance of a free and fair run-off election later this month.
“Zimbabweans can’t vote freely if they fear their vote will get them killed,” said the organisation’s African director Georgette Gaynon, citing evidence that the president’s Zanu-PF party and its allies were running torture camps, and detailing 36 deaths, in addition to an attempt by the Zimbabwean police to ban opposition rallies and the temporary arrest of the opposition candidate, Morgan Tsvangirai.
“I am deeply upset to hear of these horrible attacks on freedom and democracy,” said the aghast dictator. “I humbly ask any of Mr Tsvangirai’s supporters who have experienced or witnessed intimidation to come to me personally and tell me their shocking tales of abuse. Unfortunately I can’t come to them, as I seem to have accidentally superglued myself to my desk. However, let me give them my word of honour that if they present themselves at the gates of my presidential palace and say they’re from the Movement for Democratic Change, my sympathetic guards will know just what to do with them.”
“Don’t miss our next report,” said Human Rights Watch, “Which will contain irrefutable evidence that noses are overwhelmingly in front of people’s faces.”
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