Thursday 12 June 2008

Brown Wins Right to Detain Self Without Trial For 42 Days

Prime Minister Gordon Brown managed yesterday to push his controversial 42-day extension through the House of Commons - but only through the last-minute support of Northern Ireland’s Democratic Unionist Party.

36 Labour rebels defied government whips and voted with Tories and Lib Dems against the issue, which scraped through the Commons by just nine votes. There was uproar in the chamber when the result was announced, with opponents shouting “you’ve been bought” at the DUP benches.

Mr Brown had staked his credibility on the controversial bill to extend the right to keep himself in Number 10 without trial for up to 42 days.

The DUP categorically denied suggestions of a behind-the-scenes deal. “The issue was on national security,” insisted South Antrim MP William McCrea. “When the mainland was being bombed by ruthless IRA terrorists back in the good old days, we god-fearing Protestants contented ourselves with hurling abuse at the Pope and having our own paramilitaries. However, now that we are facing the unprecedented threat of fat idiots from Plymouth setting off fireworks in toilets, we feel that it is OK to brush aside the centuries-old principle of habeas corpus in aqua in tutela and throw away the British people’s right not to be banged up by an unscrupulous, overzealous leader.”

Habeas corpus in aqua in tutela – Latin for ‘Your man in charge is dead in the water’ is one of the most important principles in British law, or was until yesterday.

A jubilant Mr Brown declared: “This is a major blow against my terror of being murdered by cowardly assassins, and means that I now have the power to detain myself in Number Ten for a reasonable period of time.”

Opponents have not conceded defeat, however, and vowed to continue the battle in the House of Lords. “Even Lord Archer probably couldn’t make a bigger hash of running the country,” said one Labour rebel. “And that’s saying something.”

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