‘What The Hell Do You Think You’re Playing At?’ Former Murdoch Hack Asks Leveson

Education secretary and, coincidentally, former News International hack Michael Gove today accused the Leveson Inquiry of being nothing but a disgraceful waste of time and money, motivated purely by spite and probably orchestrated by the Socialist Workers’ Party.

This berk belongs to Rupert Murdoch

“I am unashamedly on the side of the great god Murdoch, one of the most significant figures in our planet’s history, who says we should think very carefully before crossing him,” grovelled Mr Gove impassionedly.

“The predictable moan of ‘Something must be done about untouchable media moguls’ corrupt lackeys riding a coach and horses over the rights of ordinary members of the public on an industrial scale, with the connivance of our institutionally corrupt police forces’ often leads to people doing something which isn't always wise,” he continued reverently, kneeling before a shrine featuring the last edition of the News Of The World. “Like this jumped-up kangaroo court, for example.”

Quivering with righteous indignation, Mr Gove then leapt to his feet, pointed an accusing finger at Lord Leveson and demanded: “Why don’t you go home and do something with your life, Trotsky, instead of harassing a poor defenceless old man? Something must be done about you.”