Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Nobody Threatening To Kill Anyone For Wanting $100k Handbag

After receiving death threats for hacking a $100,000 Hermes Birkin handbag apart with a chainsaw and setting fire to it on her reality TV show, Clint Eastwood’s daughter Franscesca says she is still no closer to discovering why nobody has been marked for death for wanting to waste $100,000 on one in the first place.

Hoo-ee, gals, we's gonna have us a lynchin'!
“Ma paw blowed millions to keep Sondra Locke a-hangin’ on his arm, but wun’t nobody tol’ him he was gonna die for it,” pouted the 18-year-old model. “An’ hell, she could be -and was - comprehensively out-acted by a goddam gibberin’ monkey. Reckon them death threats is a-comin’ from jealous Hermes customers who done staked their claim on these here bags an’ are still waitin’ on a delivery.”

Mr Eastwood, meanwhile, vowed to track down the low-down dirty scum who threatened his purty daughter and bring them to justice.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he sneered. “Being as this is a $100k Hermes, the most power-dressing handbag in the world, and would blow your neighbours clean away, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel needy? Well, do ya, punk?”

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