Clarkson Explains Origins Of Extremism To Sun Readers

Sun readers are today benefitting from the wisdom of top ethnopolitical analyst Jeremy Clarkson, as he sagely informed them at £200 a word that chunky sweaters and pretty girls created the perfect environment for turning Anders Behring Breivik into a cold-blooded mass murderer.

 
Fortunately, according to Professor Clarkson, Britain - known for producing only big, thirsty cars and himself – lacks both the comfortable knitwear and the attractive women it takes to turn decent, Islamophobic Sun readers into child-slaughtering maniacs.

“If Norwegians had just had the basic decency to wear tight jeans and denim jackets and stuffed their faces with burgers, like normal folk do, this terrible tragedy would never have happened,” opined the renowned academic, adding: “Hitler – burger-dodging foreigner with attractive bird. Napoleon – denim-dodging foreigner with attractive bird. I rest my case, your honour.”

Meanwhile, on Page 3, attractive Sammi-Jo Potts, 18, explained to readers that she often had to remove her Arran sweater because it made her nipples itch.