Ecstatic members of the public are dancing in the high streets today as retailers, betting shops, oil companies, banks, train operators, car manufacturers and the software industry continue to report ever-increasingly healthy profits.
“I’m proud to play my part, however small it may be, in returning the business community to the salad days they’ve come to expect as their divinely-ordained right,” one overjoyed Oxford Street shopper told reporters as she spent the last £140 of her card limit on a pair of sandals which are not quite the same colour as any of her other sandals. “Could the media industry do with a few quid? Here, take my purse.”
“We could have hung onto the SUV for another year, of course,” smiled her husband. “But Audi have just bought Ducati and running a top superbike racing team doesn’t come cheap, so I reckon they could do with a bit of a cash injection. I’ve just signed the kids over as deposit on a new A1. It’s a step down, of course, but with the kids off our hands we really don’t need a tank any more.”
“Of course, I’ve promised BP that I’ll rev the new car at every set of lights and drive it in the wrong gear whenever I can,” he added reassuringly. “After all, I wouldn’t want to dent their profits.”
“If we all just keep bankrupting ourselves for the greater good of the world’s boardrooms, I bet Britain will be booming again by Christmas,” cheered a bag-laden bystander. “And, you know, William Hill were more than happy to take that bet.”
No comments:
Post a Comment