Friday, 30 December 2011

Detectives Rule Out Love As Motive For Shooting Man In Head At Point Blank Range

Anuj Bidve, the Indian student gunned down in Salford on Boxing Day, was definitely not murdered for love, according to the Greater Manchester Police after three days of inspired detective work.

“Evenin’ all. I gather some folks round here are suggesting that the shooting of this gentleman might possibly be some sort of hate crime,” explained Detective Chief Inspector Savage, who is leaving no stone unturned in his dogged quest to uncover the truth, or at least something which might bear a passing resemblance to it in court. “Although, I have to say, the five chaps we’ve arrested all seem like perfectly decent young lads to me.”

Greater Manchester Police detectives gathering evidence
In another twist, it has lately been brought to the attention of the police by concerned members of the local community that Mr Bidve was other than white.

“I honestly hadn’t noticed because naturally, like all police officers, I wouldn’t dream of jumping to any conclusions based on someone’s colour,” explained DCI Savage with a grin. “But this new information suggests an obvious explanation - the chap who fired the gun simply didn’t see him standing in the way, what with him being so dusky and everything. However, I suppose it could conceivably be that race might be some sort of factor in this crime. I mean he was asking for trouble really, wasn’t he, walking down a respectable British street with skin like that.”

“I think it’s called ‘contributory negligence’ nowadays,” he ventured. “Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t end up charging this openly foreign ne’er-do-well with his own murder.”

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