The 500V bolt shot into Raoul Moat from an unlicensed X-12 Taser as he was holding a loaded shotgun to his head had no discernible effect on the cornered gunman other than him blasting his skull apart as its electrical discharge overloaded his nervous system, according to the firearms officer who fired it - known only as Z-is-for-Zebra 2+2=4 – in his evidence to the inquest into the fugitive murderer’s death in a Northumberland field last July.
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| Exhibit A |
Reading from his incident report, a gaily-coloured poster-paint depiction of some stick men with arms growing at right angles from their lower abdomens and what may have been a big smiley dinosaur, the highly-trained weapons expert categorically denied that Moat could possibly have experienced any involuntary muscular spasms at the very start of the device’s 20-second discharge of incapacitating bolts of electricity directly into his body.
The taser-equipped policeman’s superior officer, Sergeant T-is-for-Pterodactyl 3x3x3, told the jury to cast from their minds any sensationalist demonstration footage from the X-12’s manufacturers which they might have seen, showing volunteer targets twitching uncontrollably as their legs collapsed beneath them.
“Its lick them Nisun adverts on telie wot shows cars all leepen abowt n stuf,” he read from a statement he had copied out earlier in blue and red crayon. “Yuo isnt spose 2 axiely bleev it or nuffin. Its jus asporashianle mar kitten innit. It don’t reely do nufin 2 nowun, thats wy we bort it.”
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