Darling: Why We Had To Leave The Country In The Hands Of A Raving Lunatic For Three Years

The horse's head was just a friendly hint, said Brown

On the Andrew Marr Plays Guitar Show today, former Chancellor Alistair Darling sensationally revealed the reason why he and David Miliband chose not to topple delusional megalomaniac Gordon Brown when they had the chance.

“At the end point you had say you had to get borrowing down,” explained the traumatised ex-chancellor. “Which is another way of saying: ‘take a sodding great axe to public services, the welfare state, the NHS and all those other things people think are essential’.”

“David Miliband and I met and discussed whether there was any way of getting rid of Gordon, i.e. telling the world about his hour-long ranting fits and his utter pig-headed refusal to recognise an economic disaster even as it came crashing down around his ears,” he revealed. “But then David said to me, ‘Hang on a minute, Snowy - if we punt Gordon into the long grass, then one of us is going to have to fuck the country sideways. Why don’t we just let the Tories do it for us and take all the flak instead? Then we can just shrug and say it was all Gordon’s fault, and coast back into power when the plebs give them the boot in four years’ time?’ So there you have it. It was all Gordon’s fault and nobody else’s, and if he even thought I was looking like I might spill the beans, the psychotic maniac would undoubtedly have kicked my teeth in and handed them back to me as cufflinks. Or told his devoted henchman, Balls, to do it.”

“Vote Labour in 2013, folks,” he added hopefully.