Turning 50p Tax Rate Into 50p Tax Rebate Would Magic Away Britain’s Economic Woes Forever, Insist Barefaced Liars

20 of Britain’s leading liars somehow managed to keep straight faces today as they confidently told chancellor George Osborne that the one thing preventing Britain from achieving total dominance of the global economy by next Monday was his craven failure to ditch the 50p upper tax band he inherited from the previous communist government.

The game's up, Trotsky

As part of a PR campaign run by professional liars in red-framed glasses, two former Bank of England spreadsheet users whose suits cost more than a year’s Jobseeker’s Allowance were among the signatories to a letter, sent to the Financial Times, which openly challenged the craven chancellor to abandon the punishing top rate of income tax, and maybe replace it with a tax rebate of 50% as a token gesture in recognition of all the sterling effort that very rich people put into awarding themselves massive bonuses.

“This ruinous injustice clearly deters fabulously wealthy investors like Warren Buffet and Lilliane Bettencourt, who have said they would be happy to pay higher taxes in their own countries, from coming here to reap the benefit of our world-beating tax-avoidance experts,” rambled the country’s financial gurus. “If that doesn’t make any sense to you, then you are obviously an economic illiterate who stupidly thinks we earn too much, and you really shouldn’t be allowed to vote. Sort it, Osborne, or you can wave bye-bye to those directorships you fondly imagine will drop into your lap when you finally get kicked upstairs.”