Pentagon Keen To Know Whether Tottenham Has Oil

After last night’s popular uprising by the oppressed masses of Tottenham, top American generals are desperately trying to ascertain the existence of significant oil reserves in the smouldering North London borough.

The bus symbolises the dead hand of state repression (possibly)

“It’s too early to tell, at this stage, whether we should be supporting the Tottenham rebels by the interdiction of the government forces’ capacity to retaliate, or with a strategic injection of military deployment on the ground,” commented President Obama. “Certainly, after his recent ravings about the US economy, the toppling of David Cameron by his own downtrodden people would not be entirely unwelcome here in Washington.”

Optimistic rebel leaders in Tottenham, meanwhile, were keen to display a haul of fragrance oil sprays liberated from the hated Body Shop oppressors last night, along with a quantity of Johnson’s Baby Oil captured during the heroic assault on the reactionary citadel of Boots the Chemist.

“An’ there’s, like, loads more oils an’ shit stockpiled in Superdrug what we in’t even totched yet, right?” said a sweaty man in a balaclava. “So, Mister US President blud, what ‘bout your Apache gunships is like givin’ da pigs da shiz 4 real tonight, like, innit?”