Get Those Skiving Operation Weeting Officers Back On The Streets, Urge Papers

Stop skulking in there and do some proper policing

Dozens of trained police officers are loafing in offices, drinking cups of coffee and wasting everyone’s time by poking their noses into harmless emails when they should be out there restoring law and order to London’s burning boroughs, fume Britain’s tabloids this morning.

News International supremo James Murdoch told reporters: “Our glorious cities are being blitzed by heaven-sent scum even as I speak, yet the stuffed shirts at Scotland Yard see fit to keep hordes of trained officers sitting on their lardy arses in front of computers for no better reason than a perverse determination to tear down the generations of trust which have been built up between the British public and the papers they love.”

“What Acting Chief Commissioner Godwin needs to do, if he expects a nicely-paid column in the Sun waiting for him when he retires,” he added in his most concerned voice, “Is to issue these spiteful wasters with a helmet and a riot shield, wind them up and set them off around the North Circular looking for the real troublemakers, god bless ‘em.”