I’m Fine For TVs and Beer Thanks, Chaps, Says Boris

Chin up, chaps

Declining mounting calls to cut short his holiday and get back to the riot-torn city he governs, mayor Boris Johnson has sent a text message to Londoners in which he reassures them that, if it is all the same to them, he is adequately supplied with all the LCD television sets, laptops, trackies and booze he requires.

“Cripes, I say! Bit of a kerfuffle going on north of the river, judging from what I saw on BBC Worldwide this morning,” exclaimed the tousled Tory. “Jolly decent of you chaps to invite me to the jamboree, but, but here’s the thing, old Bojo’s not entirely what you’d call short of entertainments already. Friend Plod has my full support for it, er, whatever it is he’s doing about it. Carry on, there.”

Meanwhile, many of those who looted the Tottenham Hale branch of PC World in the small hours of Saturday morning have already returned to complain about the abundant shortcomings of the computers they stole, and promised themselves a raid on an Apple Store tonight instead.