Newspapers Clamour For Inquiry Into Just The News Of The World

Kill this evil monster! Kill it now! say all other papers

With one voice, the UK’s world-renowned newspaper industry has suddenly called on the government to set up a formal inquiry immediately – an inquiry whose terms of reference, they insist, must be strictly and absolutely limited to just the News Of The World.

“There are no words in the lexicon of disgust adequate to describe the latest phone hacking revelations involving just the News of the World,” thundered an editorial sermon from the virginal Daily Mail, which summed up the sense of outrage felt by the untarnished majority of Britain’s famously scrupulous journalists.

Prime minister David Cameron is now under mounting pressure to launch an inquiry into just the News Of The World before night falls, so tomorrow’s papers can loftily fill their front pages with self-congratulatory headlines declaring their absolute moral supremacy.

“We urge the prime minister to act quickly in limiting the scope of an inquiry to just the News Of The World, in order to focus all of its attention on the single rotten apple in the luxuriant orchard of British journalism,” said a spokesman for the National Union of Journalists, although strictly legitimate sources appear to indicate that he went on to mutter: “Before some nosey bastard starts wondering how the rest of us get our exclusives.”