God Gives Nicholas Cage His Comic Back

The sacred text was thought lost forever

Christians all over the world gave thanks to God for his mercy, after the Almighty eschewed more hackneyed forms of intervention in human affairs - such as stopping the Fukushima reactor leaks or smiting Colonel Gadaffi with boils - and saw fit instead to reunite grieving spoon-faced actor Nicholas Cage with his treasured Superman comic.

The big-nosed Hollywood star humbly thanked “divine providence” after the Lord guided godfearing detective Don Hrycyk of the Los Angeles Police Department’s art theft unit to a storage locker in San Fernando valley, where the inspirational 1938 first issue of Action Comics – a Cage family heirloom worth $1.5m - was hidden after being spirited out of the action hero’s home by Satan’s little wizards.

Tragically, for the last eleven years Mr Cage’s son Kal-El has been forced to grow up in complete ignorance of his true heritage.

Devoted followers of the Lord are now hoping that He will follow his touching act of kindness with other life-enhancing miracles, such as causing all the Korans in the world to spontaneously burst into flame, or bestowing upon Sarah Palin the gift of her native tongue.