Nation Praying For Snow To Keep Osborne Away

No, please, take your time

Britons stopped complaining about the sub-Arctic weather today and began praying for more snow to fall, as long as it keeps chancellor George Osborne stranded in the United States indefinitely.

“I will gladly kip down on the floor of Terminal 2 for months to come, if it keeps that smarmy, bum-faced shit three thousand miles away,” grinned haggard would-be winter holidaymaker Sue Hart, who has spent two days stranded at Heathrow while airport workers wait patiently for God to show them how to spray antifreeze and bulldoze snow off runways. “There’s only so much harm the irritating little tit can get up to in a teleconference.”

Mr Osborne has already missed a vital meeting with top bankers in London today, in which they would have told him that enormous bonuses were vital to keeping their inestimable skill and expertise in the country, and he would have agreed with them completely but asked them to keep jolly quiet about it until he could sneak a low-key press release under the radar on a suitably busy news day.